Backseat Driver
by Daggerella
Summary: Dean and Seth get a new traveling companion. Will their combined dorkiness scare her away, or will Dean's silver tongue smooth everything over nicely?
1. Chapter 1

"Sure, you can come with us...as long as you drive," said Dean, slapping the keys to the rental car into Seth's open palm. "That actually works out good for me, since that way I'll have both hands free to work my magic," he said as he looked hungrily at Renee, who was busy loading her bag into the trunk and not paying attention to their conversation. As he spoke, Seth followed Dean's gaze to the pair of black suede over-the-knee boots she was wearing with a rather short, fitted skirt. She looked classy as usual, but even Seth had to admit that there was something about her in those boots that was unbelievably sexy. All Seth could think of was what she might look like wearing just the boots and nothing else. He must have stared a bit too long, because he was unceremoniously slapped out of his reverie by Dean, who leaned in close and whispered, "Don't even think about it, man...that's all _mine_. Although maybe you're lucky, she might not mind you watching."

Seth shivered as he felt Dean's hot breath in his ear, his cheek stinging from the slap. His cock was already stirring in his tight jeans as his imagination began to ramp up. "Alright, but I'm tellin' ya, she's not gonna let you do shit with me in the car. She's not that kind of girl..._is she_?" he asked, a hint of longing in his voice.

Dean looked over at Renee again just in time to see her bending over, reaching for something in the deeper recesses of the trunk. The gold zippers that ran up the back of her boots were like two shining beacons, pointing the way up to the promised land that awaited him underneath the skirt that was stretching marvelously to accommodate her trim, yet shapely behind. He gawked openly, momentarily forgetting that Seth had just asked him a question. He shook his head, trying to clear away the distraction. "Huh?" he asked, having completely lost his train of thought. He looked at Seth awkwardly, a hint of a flush on his cheeks. "Sorry, I uh..."

Chuckling, Seth clapped a hand on Dean's shoulder and leaned in, whispering, "You guys haven't had sex yet, have you? Haha, this ought to be a _very_ entertaining ride," before walking to the car and getting in the driver's seat.

"Need any help with that?" Dean offered as he walked up behind Renee, still checking out her ass but trying to be a bit more discreet this time.

Renee turned around, rolling her eyes. "Well, maybe if you had asked me that five minutes ago, I might have said yes, but it's under control now. You just go sit your pretty self in the front seat, big boy, I got this," she said, smirking as she looked up at the surprised expression on Dean's face.

"Oh really?" he replied, a bit taken aback. "Well what if I want to sit with _you_, huh?" he inquired, sliding an arm around her small waist and pulling her against him, giving her his best sad puppy-dog eyes and jutting out his bottom lip in an adorable pout.

Renee raised an eyebrow, somewhat suspicious of his tactics. "So you want us _both_ to sit in the back while poor Seth has to chauffeur us around everywhere? That hardly seems fair," she replied, running a hand up his chest and dragging her fingernails back down lightly. "I mean, isn't that going to be weird?"

"Weird? Nah, he sees enough of my ugly mug as it is. I'm sure he won't mind not having to look at it for a little while," Dean answered, his hands slowly meandering down her backside. "Come on, I promise I won't bite...unless maybe you ask real nice," he said slyly, giving her ass a quick squeeze and smiling before leaning in and planting a gentle kiss on her lips.

Renee cocked an eyebrow, giving him a quizzical look. "Why would I ask you to do something painful to me on purpose? I don't see the appeal in that, to be honest."

"Well, maybe you just haven't had somebody hurt you in just the right way yet," Dean shot back, grabbing her rather abruptly and pushing her back against the trunk of the vehicle. He kicked her legs apart with his foot, brought his leg up and rubbed it firmly against the warm junction of her thighs, causing her tight skirt to ride up as he kissed her again, more aggressively this time. She moaned lightly into his mouth, her desire for him growing rapidly even though she struggled to hide it.

"You, sir, are being very, _very_ fresh," she teased once she finally pulled away, infinitely pleased at the look of longing on Dean's face. He leaned toward her as she leaned back, lips still pouted in anticipation of another kiss. His hands clasped behind her lower back, pressing their bodies tightly together and squeezing out a soft moan from the small blonde. He released the pressure enough to allow her to breathe and waited for her eyes to meet his once again.

"Am I?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Or am I doing _exactly_ what you want?"

Renee's eyes narrowed as she seemed to think about it for a moment, then she raised a finger up between them and tapped him lightly on the tip of his nose. "That's a very good question," she answered, returning his challenging gaze with one of her own. "But did you ever consider that maybe I don't know _exactly_ what I want all the time? I mean, maybe I want to see what happens...maybe I like spontaneity. Did you ever think of that, smart guy?" she asked sarcastically, giving a self-satisfied smirk as she playfully shoved him away.

Deans eyes widened in surprise as he suddenly found himself at a loss for words. His mouth hung open as he struggled to process the possible implications of her rather cryptic statement. After a long moment, a twitchy grin and a look of sly recognition spread across his face. He stepped back and pulled her upright, then led her around the car and opened the rear door gallantly, allowing her to enter first. "After you, Madame," he said, waving her in.

Renee let out a sigh and rolled her eyes, then moved past him and ducked down to get inside. "Ok, now you're trying _waaayy _too hard," she chided.

Dean's lip curled into a sneer at her words and before he knew it, his hand was already on a trajectory aiming directly for her hindquarters. The slap cracked loudly against her tight behind, and as her head spun around to chastise him, he quickly climbed into the seat with her and brought his mouth right up to her ear, purring, "How about that? Was that hard enough for you, Princess? I wanna make sure I do it _just_ right."

"You shut your mouth," she responded testily, reaching up and swatting him on the cheek with an open palm. "Close the fucking door and let's go." She looked up at the rearview mirror to see Seth's eyes staring back in shock. He let out a high-pitched squeal of delight and broke into raucous laughter, banging loudly on the steering wheel. "Ohhhhh man, this is gonna be so GREAT. We should ride together all the time," he said, looking back at her as he put the car in gear.

"Yeah, we'll see," she replied, giving Seth an unimpressed look. "You guys seem like a couple of dorks to me. Might ruin my street cred." She winked and looked back, amused at how easy it was to get them both on the hook.

Predictably, Seth grumbled and slammed on the gas, peeling out of the parking lot and knocking them all back in their seats. "I am _not_ a dork," he mumbled, looking at her again and sticking out his tongue brattily.


	2. Chapter 2

Once they were on the highway, Seth locked in the cruise control and began to get comfortable. He slipped off his shoes and threw them into the front passenger seat, giving a quick glance back and adding, "Don't worry, I don't stink...I took a shower this morning," to reassure Renee that he wouldn't be offensive to any of her senses.

Renee smiled and replied, "Oh, believe me, I'm well aware of how good you smell...it's all I ever hear about from the Divas backstage. I don't know what kind of cologne you wear, but that shit is like catnip for horny women."

Seth chuckled as he removed his hat and stuffed it between the dashboard and the windshield, then he suddenly sat back and looked at her in the mirror, his eyes widening as her comment finally sunk in. "Wait, what? Catnip? Who's horny?" he asked, so many questions popping into his head all at once. "Who is it? Please, tell me," he urged, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"You mean _besides_ you?" Dean interjected, unable to resist the easy jab at his friend. "Jeez, man, calm the fuck down. Like it even matters anyway...you're taken, remember? No other woman will ever be allowed to touch your dick _ever again," _he said, emphasizing the last two words to really rub it in. "It's a good thing you found Ms. Right so early on, because now you don't have to worry about getting it on with any other members of the opposite sex for the rest of your entire life." He grinned smugly as Seth shot him a perturbed look. "What? It's true. I guess now you're gonna have to settle for watching other people get some," Dean ribbed, placing his hand on Renee's knee and sliding it up her nylon-covered thigh, digging in with the tips of his fingers until she yelped and smacked him away.

"And just what makes you think you're going to be getting some, exactly?" she inquired, rubbing at the spot he had just squeezed. "I'm not some blonde fuck doll, you know. If you want to get any of this, there's a certain protocol that must be followed."

"Oooh, _protocol_," Dean remarked, leaning in closer. "I love your big words, baby," he purred as he ran a lock of her long hair through his fingers.

"Mmmm, thanks. And I love your big...smile," she replied, her eyes flicking up from Dean's crotch to look him in the eye. She reached up and ran her finger down his scruffy cheek, tracing the deep indent of his dimple.

"Yeah, it is big, isn't it? And just think, you haven't even seen just how big it can get yet," Dean answered cockily, leaning all the way over and capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

Seth scoffed and ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "Oh my God...do you ever listen to yourself?" He said in exasperation, trying to make eye contact with Dean in the rearview, but instead he saw the pair of mouths happily exploring one another, Renee's teeth flashing briefly as she bit Dean's bottom lip and held it until he let out a plaintive whine. She ran both hands up the sides of his face and into his auburn curls, then pulled his head back as she let go, her tongue swiping across her upper lip seductively.

She looked into Dean's dazed blue eyes and addressed Seth's inquiry. "He doesn't need to listen to himself...he's pretty."

Dean's body seemed to melt into her hands as he stared at her angelic face, so sweet and yet still capable of the filthiest sailor talk imaginable. Dean's heart fluttered a little at the thought of what she might say in certain unbridled moments. A chill ran through him and went directly to his dick, giving him an instant hard-on, and he twitched and groaned like he had been hit with an electrical shock. She saw it and instinctively knew, her hand running up to the top of his head and affectionately brushing his unruly hair out of his face. "Good boy," she mouthed silently, one side of her pink mouth curling up.

"Pffftttt, if you think _he_ shouldn't have to listen to himself, then _I _should be able to ignore _everyone," _Seth said haughtily, admiring his reflection in the mirror. "I'm way prettier than him."

Dean and Renee both stifled giggles as she leaned forward and put a hand on Seth's shoulder. "I know you are, honey...and you're absolutely right...you _definitely_ shouldn't listen to yourself."

Seth jumped nervously when he felt her touch on his shoulder, and as she spoke, he was too distracted by the creeping sensation worming its way through his guts to focus on what she was saying. He swallowed hard and looked down at her petite hand, manicured fingernails gripping ever so slightly into his deltoid. "Heh, yeah," he agreed weakly, his voice higher than usual. He hoped that his momentary amnesia would go unnoticed, but the resulting peals of laughter from the back confirmed it had not. He grumbled and blushed, silently cursing himself for being so easily excitable. "You guys are dicks...fuckin' perfect for each other," he griped, shifting his attention to selecting some music on the stereo.

Renee and Dean continued laughing for a few more moments, until their hands moved together between them, fingers intertwining. Dean looked up at her and said earnestly, "Yeah, we are. Couple of dicks, for sure."

"Oh, totally. Big, fat dicks," she continued, eyes traveling back down to his now significantly more prominent bulge. She bit her lip as she fought off the urge to unwrap his cock like a denim-wrapped birthday present, and instead squeezed his hand to drive the point home.

Dean moved their clasped hands into his lap, centering her palm on top of his dick, and squeezed her hand with his, pressing it hard against his pulsing erection. Her mouth opened as she got a good feel of his girthy piece, and he watched her with libidinous interest. "Mmhmmm...big, fucking HARD di-"

Just then, Seth cranked the music up to near-deafening levels, trying to drown out his friend's unbearably lame come-ons. The heavy, guitar-laden metal blared over the speakers, crackling menacingly as it threatened to blow them out. Dean lunged between the front seats and poked frantically at buttons on the console until the volume receded, then smacked Seth on the chest and pinched his nipple hard, growling, "Uuuuggghhh, I cannot deal with this fucking emo rock shit you listen to. Lemme find some _adult_ music, for fuck's sake." He squinted as he scrolled through the options, finally settling on something more appropriate. He sat back just as the song began, miming along with the first few guitar chords, then turned to the smirking blonde beside him and broke into song, his voice adorably scratchy and off-key.

"_In the still of the night, I hear the wolf howl honey, sniffin' around your door...in the still of the night I feel my heart feelin' heavy, tellin' me I gotta have moooooore_," he yowled, giving her his best David Coverdale hair-metal pout. She giggled and as the guitars crashed in again, they headbanged in unison, devil horns emphatically thrust skyward.

Seth groaned and shouted, "I hate you guys...almost as much as I hate Whitesnake!" over the cacophony, but it was barely audible. Dean's keen ear caught it though, and he leaned between the seats again, blocking Renee's view, and grabbed Seth's package, outlining his hardness with his fingers and stating, "Mmm, no you don't" matter-of-factly before sitting back and acting as though nothing had happened. Seth's cheeks turned a ruddy shade of pink and he gripped the wheel tightly with both hands, jaw clenching as he tried to breathe normally.

Renee couldn't help but crack up at Dean's antics, and Seth was such a natural foil for him that she just couldn't get enough of their seemingly endless mutual teasing. It was so oddly intimate at times that it almost seemed sexual, but she certainly wasn't going to complain. "So, are you trying to tell me I should be prepared to defend myself when you turn into a wolf or something?" she asked, recalling the song lyrics, subtly baiting him.

"Nope," he answered bluntly, turning sideways in the back seat to face her. He lowered his head to her chest and inhaled her scent, sniffing her like a dog up the side of her neck and lapping at her earlobe playfully. "I'm pure-blooded American Pussy Hound, baby...nothin' to worry about. I'm just a cute little puppy who likes to lick things." He growled and bit her neck, making her squeal loudly and smack him on the thigh again. "Especially when they smell as good as you do," he continued, nuzzling her hair.

Seth was already watching again in the rearview, eyes following Dean's hands as they moved up to cup her breasts, his thumb brushing across her nipple as she visibly shivered. His dark eyes rolled upward and he blinked a few times, feeling a bit dizzy. He started to question whether encouraging Dean to fool around with Renee while he drove was such a good idea, as the combined sexual energy permeating the cabin was enough to have him uncomfortably aroused, even as he actively tried to focus on driving.

"Oh, please...Pussy Hound? Seriously?" Seth made an unintelligible sound of disgust, banging his hand on the steering wheel in an attempt to slow Dean's roll. "Renee...you have to tell me, please...does that shit actually _work_ on women? I mean...fuck, I'm objectively better looking than this fucker, and yet if I talked to girls that way, I'd get my face slapped clean the fuck off. So what is it about this pussy dog that is so damn appealing, anyway?"

"Pussy _Hound_," Dean corrected. "And the only reason you'd get your face slapped off is because it's just so perfectly slappable, you little shit." He leaned up and slapped Seth from behind, then dodged an attempt to hit him back.

"You're stupid. And that's a stupid name, either way," Seth remarked as he rubbed his cheek.

"Psshhh. I'd rather be an American Pussy Hound than an Armenian Dick-Licker," Dean quipped, earning him a riotous cackle from Renee and a celebratory high-five.

Seth groaned again and leaned over the wheel, resting his chin on his hands as he steered. "Yeah, well, if that's the case, then you're not a pure blood because you're part Dick-Licker too, you asshole," he said defensively.

Dean's eyes flew open and he jumped up and cuffed the back of Seth's head, causing the car to swerve suddenly. "_Shut UP_," he hissed, trying to silence him. "Just fucking drive, dick. I'll deal with you later," he added before finally settling back in beside Renee and clutching her hand once more.


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't mind him, babe," Dean said dismissively, side-eyeing Seth as he did so. "His mouth is gonna get him in trouble one of these days if he doesn't learn to keep it closed." He looked down at his hands clasped around Renee's, then drew his eyes up slowly past her cleavage and up to her face, unsure of what her reaction was going to be.

"Sounds to me like _his_ mouth isn't the one you should be worried about, babe," she replied, smiling slyly. She dragged a finger down over his lips, parting them and sliding the digit in over his tongue. "Because now you've got me curious about exactly where this pretty little mouth has been."

Dean pulled back, the finger popping out as he tried desperately to think of what to say in response. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and glanced up to the rearview mirror, catching Seth's eyes looking back at him with great amusement.

"Yeah, Dean, tell her," Seth goaded, secretly thankful that the sexual tension was being alleviated somewhat by his friend's rising panic. "I'm sure she'd _looooove_ to know." He grinned smugly as he returned Dean's glare.

Just as Dean leaned forward to smack Seth again, Renee grabbed his arm and pulled him over to her, slipping his hand between her legs and up under her skirt. She kissed him hungrily, then turned his head and whispered into his ear, "You know, I won't be mad if you tell me. In fact, just the thought of it is getting me _really _hot. Can you feel it? I'm getting wet already."

Dean let out a groan as his fingers slid up her inner thigh and traced the crease of her pussy, which was radiating waves of heat even through her panties and tights. She egged him on by moving her hips toward his hand, pressing it more firmly against her. "Fuck, you're _evil," _he growled, dropping his head down and nuzzling his face into her chest, nipping longingly at her breasts through her blouse. "You better watch out, or you're gonna get fucked hard right here in this back seat."

"Mmmm, that depends on how good your story is," she responded, lifting her leg and digging the high heel of her boot into his thigh. She sat back against the car door with her legs slightly parted and looked at him expectantly. "So let's hear it."

Dean's gaze traveled up her legs and he squeaked out a small gasp as he caught a glimpse of white panties underneath the black patterned hose. His dick surged suddenly and he grabbed at his jeans to keep them from pinching his expanding hard-on.

Once he had adjusted himself, he took a deep breath and nervously said, "Look, I dunno what you're looking to hear, but...I guess I did what everybody does...y'know, experimenting and all that shit. People go through phases," he explained, suddenly at an unusual loss for words. "It...it wasn't even really that bad...I mean, this fuckin' slut right here has done _waaayyyy_ more weird shit than I have," he said, nodding in Seth's direction in the hopes of shifting the attention away from himself.

Seth's mouth dropped open and he scoffed loudly in surprise, shouting, "YOU. SHUT. UP!" in shocked disgust. "Don't drag _me_ into this!"

"Why don't you tell her about the time you let Jimmy Jacobs suck you off in front of like, five other guys, huh? I love that story," Dean shot back, staring daggers into the rearview and smirking.

"IT WASN'T FIVE! ...it was only three, and that's _including_ me," Seth blurted out before he could stop from defending himself.

"Haaaa...told ya," Dean retorted, a self-satisfied sneer on his face. "Fuckin' mouth got you in trouble, didn't it? Now you _have_ to tell her. It's the rules."

"_What_ rules?" Seth asked, exasperated. "You're an idiot."

"_Please_, tell me," Renee spoke up, her voice slicing through the discord. She leaned forward until Seth's blonde hair was tickling her cheek and whispered, "I _swear_ I won't tell a soul. As far as I'm concerned, anything that happens inside of this car just between us. And also, remember, this car has tinted windows."

"Oooohhhh yeah...I forgot," he said, biting his lip. "But still...why should I spill my guts to you and embarrass myself even more? I mean...what's in it for me?" he inquired, turning his face slightly toward hers and glancing down at her lips as he spoke.

Dean saw it and pulled back on Renee's arm, shifting her back into the seat. "Let me handle this," he said, leaning in close to the dark-haired man's ear. He made eye contact with Renee and winked, then silently mouthed, "_Watch_."

He flicked out his tongue and licked a long stripe up the side of Seth's muscular neck, pausing at the top to capture his earlobe between his teeth and draw it into his mouth, sucking lazily. He glanced over at the blonde watching and saw her gasp and moan quietly, her hands quickly moving up to cover her shocked expression.

"Sethie, you know damn well what's in it for you," Dean purred into his ear, smirking when the other started to tremble. "If you do a real good job telling this story, you just might get to see something you've been dying to watch for a long time."

"Well...that could be a couple of things," Seth answered hesitantly, still unsure of where this was going. "I think if I have to sit up here and tell you guys this story, somebody should be nice enough to help me out with _this_," he said, palming the insistent bulge in his pants. "It's only fair, seeing as how it's your fault."

Dean chuckled and looked back at Renee, who was nodding and biting her knuckle in rapt anticipation. "Yeah, I suppose," he acquiesced, bringing his arm around Seth's body between the front seats and giving his cock a couple of firm gropes through the taut material of his jeans. "But you better do a _real_ good job telling it, or else no dick love for you. Understand?"

Seth shivered again, nodding his head in agreement. "Okay...so where do you want me to start?"

"Wait, I'm the journalist here, let me ask the questions," Renee said eagerly. "Why don't you start by telling us the circumstances that led to you getting a public blowjob from...did you say _Jimmy Jacobs_? As in, like, ROH Jimmy Jacobs?"

"Yeah, you know Jimmy, right? Likes makeup, nail polish, wearing skirts..." Dean replied, counting off the list on his fingers.

"Of course I do," she said, still a bit shell-shocked from the unexpected truth bomb. "I mean, I don't _know_ him, but I know who he is."

"Yeah, well, he and Slut Boy here go way back," Dean continued, settling in at Renee's side and putting his hand back on her thigh. "All the way back to their gay porn days, right, Sethie?" he antagonized, thoroughly enjoying putting him on the spot.

"Uuuuuggghhh...how many times do I have to tell you, it was NOT gay porn!" Seth snarled, an edge of annoyance in his voice. "God, you're _such_ a fucking dick."

"You _love_ my fucking dick," Dean fired back, adding, "and I dunno about you, but as far as I'm concerned, a fucking horny twink orgy definitely qualifies as gay porn."

"_Noooo_, it doesn't, because they didn't film that part, asshole," Seth replied indignantly.

"Well, if it wasn't gay porn, what was it then?" Dean asked, eyebrows raised as he waited for a better answer.

"It was just...guys...blowing off steam..." Seth trailed off awkwardly, his cheeks flushing. "Look, do you want to hear this story, or what?"

"You were blowing _something_, alright," Dean quipped, grinning as Renee shoved him and broke into giggles. "Fine, go ahead, tell it...and make it sexy. I've got some important business to take care of back here, so, y'know...don't go too fast."


End file.
